GIVE ME BACK MY DIGNITY
I had a discussion with a young lady who had gone through a harrowing experience and I decided to put my pen to work.
This is a message written on behalf of mature single ladies.
I emphasise the word ‘mature’ for a purpose.
I heard a joke which helps to emphasise the point I wish to make.
A comedian said there are various stages in the life of a single lady.
When she is in her teens, she is asked to stay away from boys.
When she is in her early twenties, she hears the question, ‘When will you introduce your boyfriend?’
When she is in her late twenties, the queries come pouring in. What’s happening? Are the men blind? Can’t they see your beautiful face? Or are you selecting too much? All your mates are getting married. Better open your eyes and ‘catch’ a man for yourself.
When she hits thirty, she begins to hum a song, ‘Pass me not oh gentle saviour.’
When she reaches her mid thirties, the suggestions pour in, ‘I know one pastor that can help.’ ‘I will take you to a river so they can wash your face and your husband will see you.’
As the race to the age of forty begins, so does the race to several prayer houses where the lady is made to kneel like a praying mantis before all sorts of altars.
Her loved ones practically ‘hawk’ her for any man that comes.
A woman actually told her daughter, ‘Christie you too select! Man na man so far e nor craze!.’
Standards disappear, rules of the game are suspended and ANYTHING goes!
Various reasons are given for her single status.
‘You are too fat.’
‘You are too skinny. Try to add weight. Men like to have a body they can hold.
‘You are too independent. Stop acting as if you don’t need a man in your life.’
‘You are too rich. Don’t buy a new car. Don’t build that house. Don’t dress too flashy.’
If you must retain your wealth, accept the man even if he is not working. You can feed him. All that matters is that YOU ARE MARRIED.
‘You don’t dress well. Change your wardrobe.’
‘You are too reserved. Try to go out more, loosen up.’
‘You are too loud. Talk less.’
‘You are too spiritual. What is wrong in ‘toasting’ a man?
Why can’t you cook for him, spend the night in his house if that will make him marry you?’
All sorts of suggestions, many of which are contradictory.
When she hits the age of forty and crosses it, the suggestions stop and the sniggers start.
The lady becomes a laughing stock everywhere she goes.
Many don’t expect her to get married again.
Those who suggest marriage tell her to ACCEPT ANYONE that comes. She can even PICK FROM THE DUSTBIN if possible.
If anyone introduces a man to her and she refuses to marry him, the ‘wonderful’ pieces of advice follow:
‘At this age, you shouldn’t select anymore. Your time has passed. Any man who wants to marry you at this age is doing you a favour and you should be grateful that someone still finds you attractive.’
And so the mature single lady is treated like scum.
She is made to feel less than human because she is not married.
She is told that she is so terrible that is why no one wants her as a wife.
She does not have a VOICE anymore. If she tries to say anything, she is cautioned, ‘Remember you are not yet married. If you air your opinions, you will scare away the few men that can still marry you. People will not introduce anyone to you.’
She is stripped of her dignity in the process of getting hooked to a man.
She is told to DO WHATEVER the suitor wants so that she can still get married.
She is robbed of her essence as a woman because she is yet to get married.
She is dehumanised on her journey to matrimony.
She is told to ABANDON HER DREAMS and JUST GET MARRIED!
I see a society where women are forced to settle with just anyone and endure beatings because they are scared to be ridiculed for their single state.
And so the mature single lady cries, ‘ GIVE ME BACK MY DIGNITY.’
At least she deserves that, even if everyone else ‘thinks’ she does not deserve to be married.